How To Shoplift At a Bartell Drug Store

This is a shoplifting guide written by an upcoming rap artiste who hates Bartell Drug Store.

1. Never go inside Bartell Drug Store wearing loose rap fashion clothing. They’ll suspect you. Wear formal clothes. Stick cardboard cutouts of male reproductive organs over your formal suit if you wanna have some fun though.

2. Take a good hard look at the security guard. If he looks like Woody Allen, stick around. If he’s Rambo, go to the next Bartell Drug Store branch. If he makes funny eyes at you, brush yourself against him 3-4 times and look at him for friendship signs. Remember, a security guard is not a police officer and he cannot touch you as that would amount to assault.

3. Avoid CCTVs – Bartell Drug Store has plenty of these. You’ll get your chance for fame and glory when you make your own video.

4. Don’t pick up anything near the checkout counter at the Bartell Drug Store unless you’re there to kidnap the cashier.

5. The mirrors at the Bartell Drug Store are two-way. That means someone from behind is watching you. Whenever you are near a mirror in Bartell Drug Store, retch and puke so that the guys behind get so disgusted they stop looking at you.

6. Now that you’ve checked out all the security measures, you are now ready to pull out your gun and rob the cashier.

We know, we know that after reading this story you guys too never ever want to shop for your drug supplies from Bartell Drug Store because: i) their customers are dangerous people ii) they are oh-so overpriced! Hey, instead of shoplifting or buying at Bartell Drug Store, you can save lots of cash shopping your drugs from this online Canadian drug store called www.daviddrugs.com.

Guys, remember that the site mentioned above is a Canadian drug store and you can order up to 3 months of drug supplies from them. So hit on them NOW and start saving your beautiful cash and don’t waste time and money shopping from overpriced, over-hyped drug stores such as Bartell Drug Store!